Do you guys know that littlegirltoast and I have a 100% fantastic music blog together now? It's really great. One day just after Christmas I was really missing Jesse and was trying to think of a nice way to connect with him and let him know I was thinking about him. So I spent a couple of hours looking for a bunch of new music that I wanted to know what he thought of. I called the email "A mix tape ep for you!"

I wasn't sure if he'd like it all. Or if *I* liked it all, I just tried to pull together lyrics/production that I thought he'd at least find interesting. I wrote a sentence about how I felt about each song. By the end of the day, he'd written back with his own reactions to the songs, and within a week, he'd sent me seven songs that he'd found for ME. Since I'd called the collection a mix tape ep, we declared these little seven-song playlists to be mixtapEPs, pronounced mix-ta-PEPs. After a couple of exchanges, Jesse decided we were too good at picking jokes and picking music to hide our lights under bushels, so he put the whole she-bang on tumblr. There is even a glossary. You really should check it out if you like interesting sounds and two people trying to outdo eachother with hilarity and tough drums (Jesse always wins).

Here are some concrete ways that mixtapEPs make my life WAY BETTER:

1. I have a project with Jesse. One thing you might not know about me is that collaboration with someone makes me feel SO happy and cozy and energized. All of my favourite shows are about people who have shared goals and objectives that they are working towards together (two examples = The West Wing and Buffy the Vampire Slayer), because I basically love teams except sports teams which do nothing for me. So being on a team with Jesse about something feels really great especially when ...

2. ... I am sharing new music with Jesse. One of the ways we first connected was to share music with each other. Well okay to be fair I shared a bunch of music with him, and he made me a play list too but we never really talked about it much because for a long time I was a complete weirdo about new music, like I didn't know how to know if I liked it or until now that ...

3. ... I am seeking out and forming opinions on new music all on my own! It's baffling that for uh ten years I had kind of lost my entire vocabulary for that. I don't really know how it happened! But I wasn't even listening to new music by my FAVOURITE ARTISTS. I felt like I had no entry point. I have no idea what the entry point was that I lost! I used to go into stores and buy CDs all the time, often just based on the song titles or label (oh hi 4AD). I don't know when or why it stopped, but it feels SO GOOD to have that block just fall away. The vast bulk of new music that I know/like that came out between 2006 and 2012 is because Jesse kept really on top of things and would put stuff on a USB stick or burn a CD and we would listen in the car on long drives. I am so thankful that he did that ...

4. ... and so many other amazing things during our relationship. I feel really lucky, even though we eventually ended up so far apart emotionally and geographically. Working on the mixtapEPs closes those distances in a lot of ways ways. Which means the world to me.

Go listen to them!! Here I'll put the link again so you don't have to scroll, you lazy creeps!

I think this book looks gorgeous and amazing. The story seems so loving and gentle and I feel like the book will do a good job of explaining that mental health issues is hard for both the kids who are experiencing them and the kids around them. I think that second piece gets left off sometimes. I think it's great to have a conversation with little ones about how it can be really hard to be the sibling/cousin//friendwhatever of an unstable person.

You guys I got a new bathing suit and it is so adorable and I love it a lot and I want to have a beach party RIGHT NOW.

1. Buying TTC tokens on my way home from work instead of scrambling for change. I can pretty much always find $3 that lets me get on the subway/streetcar, but when I CAN'T in the morning I am totally screwed. Getting tokens would add about 15 minutes to me before-work commute (when it really counts), and less than 5 to my after-work commute (which is rarely as time-sensitive).

2. Figured out how to get a temporary parking pass so the car can be on my street (rather than Jairus's place, where it usually lives in his garage), so I could do grocery shopping after work and bring the groceries home and not have to drive the car back to his place and then TTC it back up here. I know how to get parking passes but I don't have a credit card so I couldn't do it. But then I remembered about a pre-paid credit card we got to pay for my NS driving record (which is PERFECT, by the way), but they wouldn't accept it, so we still had it. Hooray!

3. Bought real groceries like a total hero. I don't mean "real" like "food cavemen ate as opposed to the processed garbage of today", I mean "real" like "I actually thought of meals I could make and bought the items that would let me make those meals". Often I get into a grocery store and totally choke and just come out with a bunch of discrete items, but I don't really come home feeling like I have "groceries", exactly.

4. Brought the groceries home after eating at Jairus's, rather than just bringing in perishables and leaving the rest in the car and falling asleep at his place rather than deal with my own apartment/groceries/life.

5. Carried all the groceries into my apartment, even though I had to park super far from where I live. Then put them away! Wow!

6. Made my bed (my sheets were on loan at Jairus's. He has just moved and things are not all unpacked yet), even though I half just wanted to crash on the couch.

7. Washed my face and got into bed before I was too tired to. This happens to me all the time. I am on the couch online and I want to wash my face and go to bed but I am so wiped out and so I am like "I'm working up the energy!" but I don't actually believe that is a thing you can do when you are zonked in the first place!

8. Didn't bring my computer charger to my room, so I have limited battery power, to keep me from being online all night. Used that limited time to write an LJ update, such as it is, instead of just clicking through Facebook.

I (fairly) recently got (relatively) psyched about Pinterest. Here are my boards!

I feel a bit sheepish about liking the site so much, and I totally get why this is so funny. It is a lot of "lifestyle" content, which I guess is insipid. I don't know. By being positive it feels aspirational and by being aspirational it feels constructive. What I think I mean is that the thing I like about it though is that so far I've only seen people posting things that they LIKE on there.

Which makes it basically an oasis from Facebook.

I do a lot of being infuriated about things Facebook for sure, but I think I also post a lot of things that I think are awesome and want to share. I've begun to unsubscribe from friends who only ever post about how stupid everything is. I am really burnt out on anger lately. I don't feel like it's a badge of honour to be flailing around in rage. I feel like I've been collateral damage to that kind of anger in my life and I'm just done with it.

HOWEVER. While I for sure have big time outrage fatigue, I'm also feeling exasperated with the whole "self care" mindset or whatever. Like you can sort of blow off responsibilities or even being a considerate person and everyone is like "Good boundaries. Good self care". And that ALSO drives me crazy. I see a LOT of bullying and selfishness rebranded as self-care, and I'm feeling pretty done with THAT, too.

I guess what I am saying is that I'm finding balance really hard lately. I don't know what it is reasonable to expect of people, and I don't know how to be strategic about taking stuff on that needs fixing. I don't know what is productive. And I want to be productive. That's what I am trying to expect of myself.

This video was SO FUN to make (and also challenging and tiring!). We wrote the song (I wrote my own verses!) and recorded it last year. (It's on Jesse's amazing most recent album.) We shot the video in December, and released it on International Women's Day. We're hoping that IWD will eventually be re-branded "Bring Your Girlfriend to Rap Day". It's a lot catchier.

Strangely, the parts of the video where I'm only wearing a sheet are the ones I am LEAST self-conscious about.

Please pass the link around to anyone who likes any of these things:
Cats
Tap dancing
Muriel Duckworth references
Costume changes
Catching leaves
Women lying on train tracks
People in hot dog costumes
Handsome bearded men
Amazing raps
Cuteness

Thanks so much, littlegirltoast, for making a rap song and video with me. I love you!

What do you think are some really great first line/lines of songs? Pretty much every song on Nebraska sucks me into the story right away.

Nebraska: I saw her standin' on her front lawn just twirlin' her baton. Me and her went for a ride sir and ten innocent people died

Atlantic City: Well they blew up the Chicken Man in Philly last night now they blew up his house too.

State Trooper: New Jersey Turnpike ridin' on a wet night 'neath the refinery's glow, out where the great black rivers flow. License, registration, I ain't got none but I got a clear conscience about the things that I done

Reason to Believe: Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch. He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick

Man those are all so great. I want to read a short story based on each of them.

Do you like narrative in your music? What pulls you in?

Grabbed this from Jairus's sister Eternia's tumblr:

"Expressing your boundaries passively, such as withdrawal, triangulation, pouting & passive aggressive behavior, are extremely destructive to a relationship. Passive ways of showing people that they do not have control over you never lead to intimacy. They never educate the other on who you are, they only estrange.

Don’t use passive resistance. Don’t pout or withdraw. Say things like, "I do not feel comfortable with that. I do not want to. I won’t."

excerpt from Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

I'm not sure if I'd like this book, because it's Christian and peppered with references to god and the bible, but I do like this part for sure. I think it is really important to remember this!

I am forcing myself into grownup habits this week. It's really easy to lean on Jairus all the time, because he's always doing things like driving me on all of my errands and making me eat meals and stuff. But he's away in Montreal and Ottawa for the next few days, and I've been on my own. I miss him, of course, but I'm feeling good about the fact that in his absence I have been doing things like stocking up on TTC tokens, buying groceries, cooking meals, and making social plans with friends. I think fairly recently what I would have done instead would be staying up until 4am watching What Not To Wear on Youtube while surfing Facebook on my phone, alternating between eating these chips and spoonsful of Nutella.

I wish foresight and self-care were more intuitive for me, but I'm glad that I am at least developing the skill of being able to say to myself "Okay, I know you don't want to go out into the cold and get subway tokens and bread, but you do want to be able to eat, right? And get to work? Then hop to it, missy!"

Also!



I got my hair all cut off!

Donald Trump explains the plot of Citizen Kane to Errol Morris (perhaps without, it seems to me, ever having seen the movie?)



(From the amazing Wholphin, to which everyone should subscribe.)

+ I got some of these, and now the cupboard with storage shelves in my living room is now like a giant dresser! Oh goodness.

+ I am also using one of them as a makeshift laundry hamper, while I wait to find the laundry hamper of my dreams.

- I don't really have enough warm office clothes.

+ I am a total genius, because this owl IS the perfect place to keep grocery bags.

+ I had about a dozen people in my apartment on Sunday and it was completely great and comfortable!

+ My mom dropped off several boxes of things for me and there is some amazing Pyrex in there!

- I still haven't visited my grandmother since I got here. I have a mental block around it! (My mom's family is always fighting)

+ My artwork is mostly hung up at my house now, making it even more amazing.

- I still haven't painted my living room.

+ I've been doing great at sticking to a budget.

- I still need to do a lot of paperwork that I hate (taxes, passport application, parking permit application, driving record from Nova Scotia)

+ I had two short weeks at work!

- I had as much work to do on those weeks as I would have if they weren't short weeks.

+ I really like my job and co-workers. I am happily busy but overall rarely freaking out.

Oh my god LJ what are you even doing to me with this.

Very very close to seven years ago today, I had my first real-time conversation with littlegirltoast, whose LJ I'd been so charmed by that I quickly added him on MSN messenger and was delighted to get to talk to.

I can't remember the date exactly, but I know it was four days after I got married. I just can't recall when I actually got married. Did I get married on the 5th and talk to Jesse on the 9th? Or was the 9th my wedding anniversary and I talked to Jesse on the 13th? Should a person know when they got married? Probably. A person should probably also not get a monster crush on someone else four days later.

I have thought about Jesse every day for seven years.

I was in Ottawa last weekend, and we spent as much time together as we could. We went out for dinner and I gave him his birthday present. We hugged a lot. We stood in the cold with our arms around each other's shoulders, sort of stalling and wanting to just be in the same space for longer. He picked me up, even, and commented that most of the ways he'd delight an 8 year old he could also delight me.

This weekend he's playing a show in Halifax for his birthday, and I won't be there.

The last birthday I missed of Jesse's was this one, also a rap show also in Halifax. I was supposed to go but I didn't and then we didn't meet for four months even though we lived four blocks apart because I don't know why.

I wish I'd gone to that rap show so bad.

I wish I was going to this one.

Have you ever listened to the Julia Sweeney autobiographical monologue "Letting Go of God"? In it, she talks about how it was SO hard for her -- even after she'd come to the conclusion that she didn't logically think there was a deity -- to actually stop believing in god. She said it was just too much of a change all at once. So what she'd do was set a timer, and for five minutes at a time, think "There is no god". Then she'd let herself go back to thinking there was. She sort of gradually built up the time until it was comfortable to be an atheist.

That's what I had to do about internalizing that Jesse and I weren't going to live in the same house anymore. It was too much of an overhaul to my reality to do all at once. It was a long process and I fought it every step of the way.

But my reality is overhauled now.

I miss Jesse most when it's about 4pm during the week. When I worked in Niki's office, I'd call home at around that time to tell him I was leaving soonish, and to see what he thought might be a good plan of what to do for dinner. But mostly I'd call because he'd be so silly and funny on the phone. Everything I said was a straight line to a joke, and we'd just enjoy each other and be goofy at each other well past the point where I just could have left the office and gone home. But it was so much fun (UNH) that I never wanted to hang up.

I feel like we take turns being disconsolate about the way things are now. A few weeks ago, Jesse wrote this about how sad it all is. I couldn't really read it all at once, but it didn't make me fall apart completely. But when I hugged him goodbye on my last night in Ottawa, I couldn't stop crying, and he was the more composed one. He said "It's okay. It's just like this now. We have finite time together." It just made me cry harder, but he had to go.

There have been so many times that one of us has been crying and the other one has to go.

Thanks to culpster, I am listening to these guys today. This video is so completely endearing.



Of COURSE they are on 4AD. Everything on 4AD makes me SO HAPPY!

1. Print passport application.
2. Respond to everyone's nice LJ comments yesterday.
3. Buy a laundry hamper. Why is it so hard to find one I like? I guess because I want one like this?
4. Get things to help organize clothes on shelves.
5. Get boxes for DVDs.
6. Put up shelf for craft encyclopedia set that I scored at Value Village.
7. Make firm plan to paint living room.
8. Eagerly await this, to keep plastic grocery bags in!

I said this in a conversation with grammardog tonight, and I want to repost it here, as a partial explanation about why I haven't updated very much lately:

I just feel like one personal disaster after another. And like everyone has to pretend to be happy for me at each giant change, like it doesn't also represent a giant failure.

I have started wearing dark silver eyeshadow and super-low-contrast (compared to my normal standards) lipstick. (I haven't started washing my hair, though, don't worry.)

I forget what was on my old one! This is my new list of what I aspire to do every day.

1. Walk to work. I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I do this. I think my knee is very nearly well enough for this to be a reality again. Bonus: I actually get to sleep in if I want to walk, because my carpool with Josh and Jairus leaves at about 7:50 and I can leave at 8:30 if I want to walk (my work day starts later than Josh's).

2. Pick out my clothes for tomorrow the night before. I dread trying to assemble outfits in a rushed panic. When I wake up already having my clothes pick out, everything about my morning goes so much smoother.

3. Read one challenging article, all the way through. Preferably in one sitting. I am a curious person! I don't want my attention span to keep me from learning anything new. I know it's not the most lefty site in the world, but I often find long thoughtful pieces on Arts & Letters Daily.

4. Listen to one new album a day. Jesse has loaded me up with so much new music over the years (even going so far as getting a bunch of friends to send me new music for my birthday. So moving.), but I often get really blocked about checking out new stuff. I have been trying to figure out why this is. I think it's because I often turn to sound for comfort, and have been really craving familiarity on this front for a while. But I don't want to be one of those people who hasn't heard any new bands in the last ten years. So I'm hopping to it! I used to really like Yahoo radio for this, or Pandora. Because I'd get a mix of stuff I liked and stuff I would probably like. I discovered a lot of stuff this way. I find putting on whole chunk of stuff I won't know kind of overwhelming. Bleargh.

5. Make sure that before I go to sleep, my dishes are done and everything is in the garbage that needs to be. I feel self conscious typing that, but there it is! I'm really bad for doing something like taking the plastic off of a CD and then leaving it on the coffee table. Or letting my dishes pile up for a day or two, because I rarely have very many. But I feel like it would take me about 10 or 15 minutes a day to handle my garbage/compost/recycling and wash a sinkful of dishes. I will be happier if I do this!

6. Go to bed early. I have to just remind myself that going to bed early is the same as sleeping in, but in the other direction. I LOVE SLEEPING IN. Why do I hate going to bed so much?? Because someone might click-to-like something I posted to Facebook and I won't see it until the next day? DISASTER.

7. Brush my teeth before checking my email. I made this commitment and stuck to it for a several months before moving, and it really changed things for me. I don't feel like my day has really STARTED until I brush my teeth. I feel gross and morning-y and not really in my body. But also I of course want to check my email as soon as I wakeup (see above). So adding this incentive to teeth-brushing-first-thing was really great! It also kept me from doing what I would do sometimes when I got up to use the washroom, which was be all "Oooh but I might go back to sleep. I don't want to brush my teeth, that will just wake me up!" Because if I was awake enough to check my email, I was awake enough to brush my teeth! You know? Yes!

Oh wait! Here is my old list! Some of it is the same. I just went into WAY more detail this time. Okay, here are some additions from that list:

8. Check my bank balance. I worry way more about money when I have no idea how much I have. When I know what the situation is, I can plan for it. Uncertainty is what really wigs me out. But then I get too wigged out to actually check! Daft!

9. Post SOMETHING to my LJ. It doesn't have to be a giant personal essay, but there is so much stuff I post to Facebook with little-or-no comment every day. I could at least pull together a paragraph or two about how I feel about something and post it here, too!

10. Email a family member. Yes. This was on my last list and it really changed things for me. I got back in touch with an uncle of mine AND his amazing daughters who are now grown up! Family in Toronto! Amazing! I went to the baby shower of one of them on my second day in Toronto, and Jairus and I had dinner with them a few weeks later. This is so great.

But I have been watching it for about an hour now and I'm moved every time.



If makes me feel like everything is going to be alright.

To other Canadians who are on journeys to defeat cancer and to live their lives, I say this: please don’t be discouraged that my own journey hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. You must not lose your own hope. Treatments and therapies have never been better in the face of this disease. You have every reason to be optimistic, determined, and focused on the future. My only other advice is to cherish every moment with those you love at every stage of your journey, as I have done this summer.

Jack Layton wrote you a letter.

They were such kids.

They're out!

It's so fucked up that they had to change their pleas. It's really moving to me that Jason Baldwin wanted to keep fighting, but didn't want to leave Damien Echols on Death Row (where he has been in solitary for ten years).

Oh I can't even believe it.

Zoe is SUPER into the front-loading washer at my new place



My kitchen is really lovely. I spend a lot of time in it.



Likely as an after-shock of a lung infection earlier in the year, I have Pityriasis Rosea. I am so itchy and scaly and I likely will be for a month or so.


I have been going to Value Village a LOT. Here are three Pony da Look CDs I got!



I got my hair cut!


I saw Cibo Matto!

I know I know I know. I get so behind on LJ. But I at least want to make sure I'm not falling behind on anyone who is still reading my posts and writing their own! So! Headcount, y'all!

How are you what is up?

I know he's not perfect but I still kind of love him.

He's stepping down for a bit as leader. They've found a new kind of cancer.

You can send a message by following this link. I feel like you'd be surprised by how much that would mean to him.

I also wanted to link to Jesse's post about how he's doing/feeling about this change in our relationship, in case anyone missed it. This isn't just something that is happening to me.

There is really no easy way to say this or type it or think it or feel it or live it.

I am in the process of moving to Toronto, without Jesse.

I don't know if this news will be surprising to people. I have been increasingly unhappy about living in Ottawa, and have wanted to move to Toronto for years.

For likely as long, Jesse and I have been struggling about how to balance our different needs and expectations around living together and having a romantic relationship.

We're both good people. We both love each other.

In some ways I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for not being able to make this work. How can two people who like each other so much end up in such an emotional stalemate? Why can't we just work harder? Why isn't it enough that we each want the other to be happy?

There are a lot of answers to those questions. The things that make each of us feel safe and secure are impossible for the other. We both feel rejected every day by one of the people we used to feel most love from. We're lost and cold and scared and exhausted. We want to have completely different lives.

But we love each other so much.

Compliments from Jesse fuel me and energize me. Making him laugh or knowing he is proud of me makes me feel like I am floating for days. He is handsome and principled and talented beyond measure. Meeting him changed my life, and I feel so lucky that I did.

We don't know exactly what happens now. We plan to find our way back to a relationship that meets both of our needs.

From my perspective, I hope we don't live in different cities for too long. I can't really handle thinking about going weeks without being able to crawl in Jesse's lap and feel his arms around me and hear him call me kiddo and feel the comfort that always brings me. But obviously there are a lot of factors in play, so even though Jesse does feel in some ways that Toronto is where he needs to be for music, he's not ready to uproot himself just yet.

So starting in August we'll have emails and gchat and phone calls and visits. Our cats will live at just my house. We won't have the same book collection, or mailing address. We won't really be a family the way we have been. Jesse won't have a "spouse" card for my medical benefits.

I hope we will be a different kind of family. Feeling like that is possible is what keeps me from falling apart completely.

I still fall apart a little bit, every single day.

This is all so hard. I feel like we've spent two years having pointless arguments and I regret it so much I feel like my heart is breaking.

I'm going to live in a small one-bedroom basement apartment at Bathurst and St. Clair. I will make it my own and live by myself and figure out who I am, what parts about who I am that I don't like, and how to change them.

I plan to spend a lot of time in parks. I also want to spend more time with friends, and in my body.

I expect to spend a lot of time feeling so much grief I think I might drown in it. I am trying to brace myself against that.

I'm also going to put energy into reconnecting with Jesse as much as we can. I want him to feel how much I love him. And like him. I want to be able to feel how much he loves me. And likes me. I want us to be best friends. I want to go on tours and to show each other art and to hate the same things and love the same things. I want us to be sounding boards and buoys for each other. I want us to still be some kind of team.

I don't know what that team looks like right now. I am trying to be okay with not knowing. But I'm not really okay at all. I can't really breathe when I think about it.

I want to be able to do better than this.

I will miss being us so much.

There is a really adorable little web series called Vag Magazine that I just find so hilarious. The premise is some third wavers use the proceeds from their Etsy store to buy a mainstream women's magazine and make it more feminist.

This is probably my favourite scene:



You can watch all six episodes here! They're only a few minutes long, so watching all of them takes less than half an hour. DO IT! Then tell me if you enjoyed it to, or think it is mean or unfair!

Jesse bought me an amazing new beatonna shirt that I wore the entire weekend we were away:



It might not have been the smartest choice for three days spent in a family trailer park (edit: it was a big campground with trailers and cottages.), but I don't care. It was funny to both of us every time we saw it or thought about it.

Also! I noticed an interesting thing! When I'd pass by a couple (with or without children), if there was any reaction at all it was typically this: the woman would scowl and the dude would grin.

The weekend was fantastic. We barbecued and campfired and finished the second Professor Layton game and swam in the water and stretched out on the sand and talked and talked and talked.

EEEEE Jesse and I are going to the Sandbanks this weekend. I haven't been since I was a little kid, but every time we pass the exit to it on the way to Toronto I get so wistful. So we're going!

Another thing about not having Facebook right now is that it's making me realize that I used to post here a lot more often about things that were INFURIATING to me about our culture. It's just SO much easier to do that on Facebook because you just paste in a link and it pulls up a thumbnail and excerpts the text and you can only write like 420 characters or something about what it is you're linking to and the whole thing is very easy.

I'm going to share with you something I've already lost my marbles about on Facebook.

JULYNA


(Actual image from the site! I didn't make it up!)

You know "Movember"? Is that big everywhere, or only in Ottawa? It's a thing that happens in November, people grow mustaches to raise money/awareness of men's cancers. It seems like it's pretty successful, but my perception of that could be totally skewed by the fact that pretty much every dude who voted NDP participated in Movember last year, after Jack revealed that he has prostate cancer.

So, I guess folks have been trying to think of what the equivalent campaign would be for women? And tehy came up with JULYNA.

A few things that drive me crazy about Julya are!

1. It's not public!!! That is like a major part of why Movember works!

2. It's yet another example of how woman can help cure cancer by shopping. July is has partner salons all over the place you can go to and spend 60 bucks getting one of these designs (you're gonna wanna click on that), PART OF WHICH will be donated to the cause. Barf.

3. JULYNA. You know, like VAGINA. Which is the word we now use (THANK YOU STUPID EVE ENSLER) to refer to every part of the female reproductive system gaaaaaah.

4. The copywriting on the website. It is not to be believed. Check it out (with bonus graphics of some of the suggested designs!):

THE DAVID SUZUKI.  Nothing says protecting public climate, reconnecting with nature and building community like the David Suzuki style. If you’re looking for a way to offset your carbon footprint, this is not it. But this guilt free, low maintenance style conserves grooming energy by teetering on the verge of being au natural.

 

 

  

THE BARBARA BUSH. Barbara Pierce Bush (born June 8, 1925) is the wife of the 41st President of the United States George H. W. Bush, and served as First Lady of the United States from 1989 to 1993. She is the mother of the 43rd President George W. Bush and of the 43rd Governor of Florida Jeb Bush. No one knows how she styles her pubic hair but I’m assuming that she is too busy to trim.

 

 

 

GERBLECH.

My Facebook vacation is so far so good, but man is it ever weird to not have it to cycle to when I'm aimlessly puttering around online.

The biggest thing I've noticed is that I every time I check the clock I am surprised by how early it is. I guess time is going slower since I'm not losing hours just clicking around Facebook? That's interesting!

I've also been emailing more! That's an unexpected side effect. Like, even if I see that someone is on gchat, I'll still email them. I guess I'm maybe chilling out a bit on the need for INSTANT FEEDBACK. I've really enjoyed having email threads going with some folks, and really feel like the quality of conversations is better than it would have been if we were IMing. Huh.

I've been super tempted a few times to log back in "just to check", but I haven't.

The federal government is launching a website it says will help Canadians identify which sectors of the economy are currently hiring and where job growth is likely to occur in future years.

Human Resources Minister Diane Finley told a news conference Wednesday the aim is to let students and older job seekers know what kinds of skills they will need to address the demands of a changing economy.

Here it is!

It's a super ugly site (the Government of Canada "common look and feel" is hideous), but I think it's a pretty interesting idea! I hope it helps people from starting down career paths because they are looking for a sure job at the end, only to find there is no demand for their new skills. I know not everyone goes to school for that reason, but many people do.

The site is pretty simple, even if there are too many steps. You type in the job you are considering, and then drill down to the specific incarnation of that job, and where you want to work.

Another interesting feature is this form, which lets you click off your skills and knowledge. The layout of the form made it clear to me that I have way more skills than knowledge. Maybe that's a college vs. university thing?

Anyway, when I filled it out, it told me to go work at Ubisoft.

What'd you get?

Hey dudes!

I have nearly two weeks of not needing to use Facebook for work (in that I have a break from work), so to celebrate I am taking nightynight's advice of a FACEBOOK VACATION. So I've temporarily deactivated my account!

Wheeeeee!

I'll be back no later than July 18th!

Okay going to sleep now zzzzzzzzzz

I've spent a lot of time talking to smart feminists about clothes. Most of the women I am close with are pretty intentional about their style. I don't have many "Oh I just throw on whatever all the time" friends. (I don't think! Correct me if I'm wrong. It's just that y'all look so cute all the time.)

I don't read fashion magazines because they make me feel bad about myself, and I don't read fashion blogs because I usually forget they exist or can't handle the writing. But I do like looking at outfits and thinking about outfits. And I have watched an entire season of Project Runway in a week and a half.

I like shopping with friends and getting their opinion on clothes I am trying on. Sometimes I take their advice and sometimes I ignore it. But part of this feedback often involves something being described as "flattering" or not. As littlegirltoast pointed out to me when I talked to him about this, traits that you might appear to have when wearing something "unflattering" would describe what someone else looks like all the time. I was wondering if it's possible to use the word "flattering" in a body-positive context! I want to know what you think.

Because flattering is usually used to mean some variation of "slimming", right? Or at least "smoothing". I guess there are also ways that it's used about complexion, too? Like there are for sure colours that make me look like I have never slept in my life. robotropolis made me stop wearing them.

Speaking of Robo! I also found myself really enjoying reading her entries about trying to get in a new morning routine for herself. One of the things she said that I related to was "7:15 - 7:45 Shower. Blow dry hair, do not let run amok. Apply minimal makeup and use jewelry like a grownup." I don't think she means "Like a grownup ought to" so much as "In order to pass as a grownup". I do feel more "put together" when I've got earrings or a necklace on. ladykutenay talks about long hair being part of her "costume", so maybe it's a bit like that?

But also I totally agree with kira_lynn about how it sucks that there are so many things women need to do to be "ready" for, say, a job interview. And onceupon wrote a great entry about eyebrows while I was writing this one.

SO! Internet! What do you think about all of this? Sample questions: Should we stop describing things as "flattering"? What sorts of things do you do, fashion-wise, to present as more adult? How do you feel about it?

Originally posted by kythryne at internet powers, activate!

I'm officially impossibly behind on LJ! I can't get caught up, so I'm starting from here.

Tell me your news! What did I miss?

Holy fuck yes:

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Native educator Cindy Blackstock says it will take a 'million man march'— reminiscent of U.S. civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. — to raise awareness of education inequities.

Governments, provincial and federal, build two bridges for children, she says.

"One for non-aboriginal children that goes from one side of a rapid river to another side," she says. "Most children are able to safely cross to a possibility of opportunity and life.

"And then governments build a bridge for First Nations children but it only goes halfway over the rapids. And when the children fall into the rapids and First Nations children and their families are screaming, the province of Ontario and the federal government say to First Nations, 'Aren’t you thankful for the half of a bridge we built?'"

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Full story here

This is such an important piece. I feel like most people don't know that First Nations kids have to move hundreds of kilometers away from their friends, family, and community -- and live with strangers -- if they want to go to high school. Can you imagine? And then creeps are all "They get free university! Why aren't they all doctors and lawyers??"

p.s. They don't exactly get free post-secondary.

Today I wore a red robot necklace to work that kira_lynn got me for my birthday (along with a million other things). I bought a heavy multistranded turquoise necklace in Montreal last time Jairus and I were there. I really like having a substantial necklace on to fidget with! I just bought a couple on Etsy:





Eeeee I want them to arrive in the mail nooooow.

What are your favourite pieces of jewelry and why?

I complain a lot about the NDP, but I really love these two.

I know this is annoying corporate stuff, but we're doing a lot of "change management" where I work, which means big shifts in the way the some things are done.

The woman leading this process (I kind of love her) was talking to us about the sort of things that open people up to possibility to making a change. One of the theories she talked about was "The burning platform". This is the story:

 

 

This resonated with me a lot. I feel like I've made too many of my decisions this way.

Do any of you have "burning platform" stories or are you approaching burning platforms of your own? I wanna hear about it!

I'm trying to get into some new habits.  This is what I would like to do every day, and why!

Take iron and inhalers (so I can breathe and have energy!)
Stretch (my mood is so much better when I feel loose limbed and in my body)
Read for half an hour (time spent with my Kindle always makes me so happy)
Make a blog post (I miss longer conversations than those that happen on Facebook)
Eat a home-cooked meal (I really feel maxed out on restaurant food)
Check my bank balance (I'm really bad at knowing how much money I have and it makes me so anxious)
Email a family member (there are so many great people I'm related to who aren't on my radar)
Learn something (sometimes I feel like I don't know anything that I didn't know five years ago. I'm sure it's not true, but still)
Get enough sleep (this makes/keeps me sane, but I am so bad at it)
Brush my teeth as soon as I wake up (sometimes I stall on this and start doing something else and then I feel so gross and stuck)

What would your list look like? 

Hey internet! 

I'm really thrilled to be taking two dance classes a week. I feel like it's really anchored my time a bit and builds in two things (being social and living in my body) that I always mean to do and never find time for.

Do y'all have weekly things like this you do? Classes or rehearsals or stitch and bitches or gals/guys nights?  What do you do? How does that work for you?

Hey internet! Some good things right now:

I brought food to work today.
Thanks to Liam, Oxfam Canada just won 10K in this contest!
I am taking two dance classes a week! Swing with Jairus and Jazz by myself!
You can hear me tapdance on this song!
I think I am maybe the first person to immortalize Muriel Duckworth in a rap!
Jesse gets back from tour tomorrow!
Kira gave me a million amazing birthday presents yesterday including a book about Sassy Magazine!
I have been pretty social lately!  I aim to keep it up!
I have been having what Jairus calls "million dollar ideas" lately!

This hilarious facebook thread about determining if you are on "a date"
My hair is the longest it's been in a while!

 

I just wanna open up all the windows and let brisk bright sunshine-y wind blow through everything.

Jesse's album is finished and released. He made the beats and wrote the raps and the result is just fantastic. You can listen to the whole thing by clicking here, or the "play" button on the link below (which I don't think imported into Facebook correctly)




Here is a song-by-song breakdown of it:

1. file_id.diz
listen to it because: It samples Kimya Dawson
amazing line: Believe me, I don't need to be too conceited. I just believe in myself, like Jesus joined Jews for Jesus.

2. Professional Widowmaker
listen to it because: My ex-husband's name is played backwards in it.
amazing line: Your mouth falls open, all hopin’ forever wrecked. Kids get sick of you like Paul Hogan in retrospect.

3. Halifax Rap Legend
listen to it because: It shouts out to Hope Larson!
amazing line: I know you’re thinking, “What’s with the macho shit, Jesse D? You’re more like the opposite!” Yes indeed, but I uh thought it was... funny?

4. Tim I said no guests!
listen to it because: Tim and Jesse have such adorable chemistry.
amazing line: We deliver shows to the third dimension to make ‘em say, “EAU,” like thirsty Frenchmen.

5. Bring Your Girlfriend To Rap Day
listen to it because: I RAP ON IT AND DO A TAPDANCE SOLO!
amazing line: Jesse D and I are aces when our faces hurt from smiles, spending hours in the grocery store, rolling in the aisles. [THIS IS MY LINE! I WROTE MY OWN RAPS]

6. Holocaust Cloak
listen to it because: kira_lynn does shouts on it! So does liliyuki ! And me!
amazing line: I must have been sick the day they asked everyone to answer the question of whether to mess with the Status of Women Canada. If that isn’t bad management of the mandate the land handed ‘em, dammit, son, then I’m not Jesse D: the most handsome man on planet Earth (and I am, for sure).

7. How Shall I Send Thee?
listen to it because: The drums will blow your mind
amazing line: You digital, hexadecimal, intellectually less-than-vegetable...Since when is this respectable? It used to be detestable and wack to lack keenness. I grew up idolizing Black geniuses!

8. Write Protected
listen to it because: It's a fascinating exploration of Jesse's difficulty forming memories
amazing line: My video cam is gonna shoot you, so you can live forever in the future. I practise permanent taxidermy and that way, I know I’ll never lose you

9. Mudane Arcana & Eldritch Lucidity
listen to it because: It finishes with a sample of the best moment in television history.
amazing line: Tuesday: Blues at bay from the radio morning show mediocre media rodeo, here we go!

10. Make Hymn Cry
listen to it because: The lyrics are from a Ralph Ellison short story
amazing line: Yes, I'll kill it. I'll make it cry. Even if it's God, I'll make God cry. I'll kill him. I'll kill God, and not be sorry.

11. Triptych I: Hot Commodity
listen to it because: Jesse is a rapping Andrea Dworkin apologist
amazing line: I admire strangers as objects in proxy sex but is it dangerous? The answer's not yet obvious, but how could it not be yes? So is it like cars where we shrug and accept the casualties? Why is it men can fuckin' dismiss the threat so casually?

12. Triptych II: Hot Property
listen to it because: It will break your fucking heart
amazing line: The responsibility becomes an afterthought when one remembers the reasons they should've stopped; there's no pretending that you forgot.

13. Triptych III: Cold Comfort
listen to it because: It's an examination of intoxication from someone who doesn't drink
amazing line: The drama was a waste? I think not. I promised her a place to drink scotch and monitor the plot of the modern Madonna's honour guard. They thought of her as common, but hot as a sauna – not a problem.

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That's the whole thing!! Please check in out, even if only the songs that sound the most compelling to you. 

If you want to buy it (support!), you have two great options here:

1. $7 as just a download
2. $10 to also get a chapbook with lyrics, liner notes, and a forward by Buck 65

This album is a really big deal.

Hey internet!

I was talking to a friend today about life goals (I said my life goal was to become post-trigger which of course is probably not actually possible), and she said that she is completely not goal-oriented at all, in part because that if she makes her goals too specific then they are obsolete right away and if she makes them too general she doesn't know if she's done them at all.

That is the exact opposite of how I feel, so I think it was a good perspective for me to hear.

I am all about goals.

When I took public relations in 2003, we learned about how to help an organization create a strategic plan. Learning this changed my whole life forever. It was so thrilling to me to figure out how to make sure that actions are support of measurable goals!

It felt like a magical formula that would let me do anything.

I feel like I've been a pretty effective person ever sense, (interspersed with moments when I was paralyzed by anxiety). It also helped me learn the difference between a goal and a plan, and stop myself from saying things like "I have a plan to start knitting again", if what I really had a was the goal of knitting again, but absolutely no plan at all.

Anyway, obviously this isn't the only way to be happy or anything. It's just the only way I know how.

My friend also mentioned that she resists goal-making, because she doesn't like thinking about her life being finite, which I couldn't really understand. Goals are important to me, because life is finite. I think about this a lot, to the point where these last lines of Mary Oliver's "The Summer Day" make me breathless: "Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? / Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?"

I want to hear from other folks! How do you feel about goals and plans? Do you make them? How do you organize them? Time period? Subject matter? If you don't make plans, how do you do get stuff done?

I know this is super nerdy but it's also really interesting to me. And I need a bit of inspiration right now, because I don't have a clear plath to my goals. It's throwing me off.

I just don't know which one I am!

From this report from the Canadian Council for International Co-operation:
We have all seen the images – emaciated children with distended bellies or flies in their eyes, women dressed in rags, queuing for food aid or picking through garbage. You can “save” these people, the fundraising ads say, by sending money to pay for emergency relief, to sponsor a child through monthly payments, or to help launch an education program.

These images and messages are powerful. They touch hearts and raise money that is used to fund programs in the South.

They also, however, tend to portray people as helpless, passive victims, which can undermine their dignity and work against the aims of longer-term development work. Ethical questions about fundraising images have been raised in the civil society sector for a number of years. There continues to be controversy – not because organizations do not know about the concerns raised or because they have decided to deliberately be “unethical” in their practices, but because the issues involved are complex and laden with value conflicts.

FOR
Calling attention to real needs
The images used are factual illustrations of the horrific situations in which people are living. People are starving, children are dying of preventable diseases, people are clambering over trash piles looking for food. Natural disasters are leaving people homeless and destitute. It is the situation that is undignified, not the image. When civil society organizations show images of extreme poverty, Canadians become aware of the indignities that people are experiencing.

If organizations were to choose to use rosy pictures in order to make absolute poverty look more “positive”, this would not be truthful. As noted in the Code of Ethics, “fundraising solicitations shall be truthful…”.

AGAINST
Undermining human dignity and fueling racism
Pictures of human suffering that show people half-naked, crying, sick, desperate – undermine human dignity. It is not respectful to show people this way, particularly if the images were taken without permission. CCIC members have agreed that “communications to the public by the Organization shall respect the dignity...of the people supported by its programs”.

Racism may be fueled by images of people in the South as being “other” – separate from “us”, objects of pity. When the majority of Northern donors shown in ads and TV appeals are white, and Southerners being “helped” are people of colour, negative messages are being conveyed. The CCIC Code of Ethics states that organizations shall avoid “messages which fuel prejudice… foster a sense of Northern superiority and show people as hopeless objects for our pity…”. It has been noted that the persistence of negative images of Africa may fuel racist attitudes not only towards Africans, but towards Canadians of African origin.

Full document.

What do you think?

Job posting: Project Officer

Canadians for Choice is currently recruiting for a Project Officer. Under the supervision of the Acting Executive Director, the CFC Project Officer will be responsible for supporting the organization in achieving its programming and fundraising goals. The officer will be responsible for: liaising with individual donors as well as managing the individual donor database; managing the unplanned pregnancies options and referral line; as well as conducting outreach and education by delivering presentations and developing resources to communicate about different aspects of sexual and reproductive health.

The Project Officer will be working 4 days per week. The salary is $39,000 per year pro-rated to 4 days per week (so $31,200). This is a one year contract.

CFC is an equity employer and welcomes applications from historically disadvantaged groups. Self-identification by candidates is completely voluntary.

Statement of Qualifications

Education
* University degree in a field related to the duties of the position, including Public Health, Women’s Studies, Psychology, Social Work, or equivalent (Essential);

Experience
* At least two years of paid or volunteer experience working in Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights (Essential);
* Experience working in the non-profit sector (Essential);
* Experience working with young people (Asset);
* Experience using new social media technologies such as blogging, Twitter, Facebook (Asset), and
* Experience in fundraising for women’s rights, sexual and reproductive health, including through grants and individual donor relations (Asset).

Essential Skills
* Strong understanding of and demonstrated commitment to reproductive choice;
* Understanding of women’s human rights, gender equality, and anti-oppression;
* Very flexible and adaptive; able to respond quickly and effectively to changing circumstances;
* Strong ability to work independently and as part of a team;
* Ability to prioritize and organize work effectively and under pressure;
* Demonstrated proficiency in maintaining websites and /or new technology applications;
* Demonstrated proficiency in maintaining websites and /or new technology applications;
* Excellent oral and written communications skills in English and knowledge of French;
* Ability to develop and maintain positive relationships with colleagues and partners both internal and external;
* Demonstrated ability to celebrate diversity;
* Demonstrated strong organizational skills, and ability to maintain effective administrative systems;
* Ability to write in plain/accessible language ;
* Experience in public speaking and event coordination;
* Strong familiarity and effective utilization of a variety of computer software applications including Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint) and database software;
* Knowledge of fundraising computerized database programs; and
* Willing and able to travel throughout Canada and to work outside of normal business hours when necessary.

Citizenship
* Canadian citizen or permanent resident (eligible to work in Canada).

Job Description

Donor Relations and Data Base Management: (35%)
* Day to day communication with donors, as required;
* Maintenance of donor records;
* Donation processing, including handling monthly electronic donation process;
* Tax receipt preparation and distribution;
* Track donations; and
* Create mailing lists for donor campaigns.

Coordination of the 24/7 Unplanned Pregnancy Options Information and Referral Line (15%)
* Responding to daytime inquiries relating to sexual health and unplanned pregnancies;
* Coordinating CFC’s Emergency Travel Fund;
* Organizing debriefing and training meetings with volunteers;
* Responsible for scheduling volunteers;
* Tracking donations and keeping statistics on calls;
* Advertising and promoting the line; and
* Maintaining and updating directory of resources.

Sexual and Reproductive Health Outreach and Resource Coordination (35%)
* Developing and implementing a communications plan to improve CFC’s use of new Social Media;
* Researching, drafting, writing and editing resources related to the work of Canadians for Choice and/or reproductive health issues;
* Preparing and facilitating online courses for young people in Canada;
* Preparing and presenting on the work of Canadians for Choice at conferences and to other organizations, groups, and schools;
* Developing partnerships with like-minded organizations to initiate other projects as required, including youth organizations; and
* Event coordination as required.

Other (15%)
* Supporting the Acting ED with grant writing and individual donor fundraising needs;
* Supervising volunteers and placement students;
* Participating actively in staff and board activities; and
* Perform other duties and administrative tasks as required.

Apply by email before February 4th, 2011 at info@canadiansforchoice.ca. Your interest in this opportunity is appreciated. However, only those applicants selected for an interview will be contacted. Please note that interviews will be held before or during the week of February 21st, 2011. No phone inquiries, please.

One of my amazing Christmas presents from Jesse this year was tickets for us to see Legally Blonde: The Musical. The movie is really fluffy and cute, and I love musicals.

I want to say upfront that it was a really thoughtful gift and I had a great time having a fun theatre date with Jesse and he is super wonderful!

The day we were supposed to go to the show the first time, it was canceled because the cast was snowed in somewhere. Instead, we went home and watched the movie. I'm actually pretty good that happened, because Jesse declared it to be "mostly inoffensive", which might sound like faint praise but if Jesse isn't offended by a mainstream Hollywood production then that's a pretty big deal.

I feel like if he hadn't seen the movie before we went to the stage show, and he didn't know how different it was from what we were watching, I would have spent the entire musical wanting to reassure him that the movie that I liked wasn't racist and sexist and slut-shaming or have a whole weird sub-sub-sub plot involving Riverdance.

Why did the stage production add all of those things?? It's so weird. Jesse pointed out that in addition to taking out the cute Elle-and-Vivian friendship, adding in lots of references to "skanks" and a ton of ethnic stereotyping, they also Pygmalion'd the plot. Suddenly, instead of Elle wanting to do well in school to prove to herself she wasn't as stupid as everyone thought, she gets bullied into studying by dude who is then pretty much responsible for all of her achievements.

So weird!!

But there was a real dog on stage a few times, so pretty much I've been happy ever since.

Video behind the LJ cut!

( Read more... )

This video, 'Where is your line?', follows a survey commissioned by The Havens which revealed that nearly half of men aged 18 to 25 don’t think it’s rape if the other person changes their mind during sex.

The film shows a young girl and boy drinking at a party, then asks users to click when they feel their line has been crossed. Once the user clicks on the film, a line is drawn for them and statistics from the survey are revealed.

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What does everyone think about this sort of initiative. I think it's fascinating and really smart.